Hidden
by thevigilante15
Summary: There are some things even Peter doesn't know about Neal. NO SLASH Father/son Brother/brother bonds spoilers for Free Fall
1. Chapter 1

**Hidden**

**Disclaim: i do not own White Collar. Jeff Eastin says to help save it email USA Network to get a season 2 going! Go now ...after you read and review this of course:) This is my first attempt in the White Collar Universe so be gentle. Will contain implied spoilers from episode Free Fall. Italics are character's thoughts.**

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Neal shoved his hands deeper into his Devour as he trudged slowly down the street. The hat did little to block out the shocking winds tearing through his curled locks, leaving superficial tears pooling in his blue eyes. He sighed. It was a weary sigh, one forged from a lifetime of trouble mostly by his own doing, but never without a reason. He realized that this constant game with himself and the world was wearing thin. Before he knew it, he had wandered to the flashing lights of a local bar not far from his mansion. He paused briefly admiring the irony of a seedy world hidden within such luxury. He wondered if he was about to do the right thing, but realized that he must have made up his mind when he found himself warm and cozy inside a very noisy environment. Maybe one night would be OK to forget who he was, one night to let go and relax and whatever may come may come......

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Peter grunted and shifted in the hard kitchen chair staring at the information before him. _Damn Kate.._.. He wished this was all past him, _past them_, maybe then he wouldn't feel like such a heel lying to Neal....well not lying but certainly withholding evidence. He picked up his coffee cup and took a sip when he heard a loud knock on his door. Peter gathered the papers together and glanced around for a hiding spot. _Even El didn't know about this._... When he was certain he was safe, he ran his hands along his pants and went to see who it could be at nearly 11 in the evening.

Peter opened the door and saw to no surprise that it was Neal.

"Hi, Peter."

Peter took a moment to take in the young convict. His hair was rumpled as if he had been mauled by a few hungry bears, but he took note that there was no love marks on his neck which knowing Neal meant a bit of flirting with no reward. Peter also found himself taking a step back from the stench his young friend was drowning in.

"God, Neal did you bathe in the stuff or what?"

Neal looked chagrined.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to let you down, Peter. " Peter's eyes narrowed at the guilty expression on Neal's face when he saw that Neal suddenly found the idea of standing straight to be a bit too difficult. He began to wobble as Peter caught hold of his arm.

"Easy. " Peter looked into Neal's red rimmed eyes.

"Why are you drunk? I don't think I've ever seen you drunk."

Neal grinned. "Can't follow me all the time Peter."

Peter shook his heading agreeing to disagree.

"Yeah, but I know almost everything about you. You don't drink to excess because it goes against the confidence game." He paused waiting for Neal's reaction.

Neal dropped his head.

"Am I coming at a bad time... I mean I don't wan to interrupt..."

Peter rolled his eyes helping Neal into the house.

"El's not here." More under his breath, "You're even polite when you're drunk off your ass."

Neal found a smile for that remark.

It seemed like hours and maybe it was, two men sitting in silence. Neal looking like he was trying to not to vomit on his fancy shoes and stay awake and Peter going over files which weren't about Kate. Neal begin the unconscious motion of rocking back and forth trying to contain excess energy even while keeping the world stable. Finally when one movement too many crosssed Peter's eye he realized he had had enough.

"Alright, that's enough, " he vowed wagging his finger into wide blue eyes "I am about to break my own cardinal rule for you and try ...talking." He threw his hands in the air. " Why are you here? Is it Kate?"

He internally winced at her name and saw that Neal did too but for very different reasons.

"No. Not this time."

Peter who had been leaning forward in his charge's personal space took a step back and pondered the whispered statement. Neal wasn't thinking about Kate for once? _Well, wonders never cease..._

He didn't realize he must have said that part out loud because the look of hurt that shone from Neal's eyes was even getting to Peter.

Neal ran a careful hand through his hair smoothing it out looking and feeling a bit more presentable as he attempted to stand . He wobbled a bit but refused Peter's hand.

"I knew...knew I shouldn't have come here..."

Peter 's eyes softened.

"Hey, I didn't mean it."

Neal stopped turning to Peter.

"You want to know why I got drunk tonight? I'm tired Peter. I'm tired of the world being the way it is. I'm tired of wondering if Kate's OK or not. I'm tired of being ...me. This life. What life? I think..."

He barely got he words out before he dashed toward the front door and puked into the bushes. He dropped to his knees hands at his sides, heaving, pale and vulnerable.

Peter took in the sight. Neal didn't do vulnerable except when running a con. From the tell tale signs, this was no con.

Peter bent down to take Neal's arm and help him up.

"Come on. " he said hedging toward the warm living room. " I'll get you some tea"

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What do you think? Should I continue? If so, more angst to come! Please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hidden**

**Chapter 2-Do not own :( Thanks for all the amazing reviews!!! You guys are awesome! Here is chapter two . Hope you like and please continue to review-I work faster that way!**

**Spoilers for Catch Me if You Can( great movie) as well as notes taken from interviews from the cast etc. Italics are character thoughts. This takes place before Free Fall, but contains spoilers for the episode. **

_**"I hid a lot of things"**_

**-Neal to Kate in "The Portrait**

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Neal sat on the couch rocking slowly side to side although probably not aware of it. He held his hat in his hands flipping it around rather clumsily Peter noticed as he handed him his tea. Neal was off. Everything was off and Peter knew he was a part of that as well even though Neal had no inkling as far as Peter was aware.

"Here."

Neal stopped concentrating on the hat and looked up to meet Peter's eyes.

"Thanks."

He took the tea in with shaky hands allowing the warmth to penetrate his numb fingers. One sip and he knew he grimaced.

Peter smirked.

"Not event the Great Neal Caffrey can hide that look when he's inebriated. "

Neal licked his lips and held onto the cup even tighter.

Peter sat down getting himself comfortable in his chair across from Neal.

"I know it's not June's but..."

Neal shook his head interrupting the train of thought.

"No, it's fine. It's fine, Peter. "

Peter nodded , leaning back, arms crossed. Suddenly he wondered when this turned into an interrogation. Then again everything with Neal often did.

"Talk."

Neal 's baby blues looked deep into Peter's eyes. Suddenly he wasn't so sure this was a good idea.

Peter took note and he cracked a crooked smile.

"Sobering up?"

Neal knew that wasn't the case since he felt as if he was still in a haze. The only difference is that now the haze was becoming stronger, foggier and more surreal.

"This is why I don't drink to excess."

Peter swallowed his tea and placed it on the coffee table.

"Why? Afraid you'll confess to where you've hid your loot?"

Peter said it with humor but felt his heart beat faster after it was spoken.

Neal shook his head.

"I don't think I could remember it if I wanted to right now."

Peter tried not to look disappointed. _ Damn it all...._

Neal took another small sip of his tea.

"DId you ever see the movie Catch Me If You Can?"

Peter blinked. He wasn't expecting this.

"Why do you want to have a movie night? Should I get out the popcorn?"

Neal seemed oblivious to Peter's sarcasm as he leaned forward staring intently into Peter's eyes.

"There was this scene where the con, Frank, met with his father. He met with his dad a lot. They seemed pretty close"

Was that jealousy Peter noted in the young convict's tone?

"Frank, at one of the meetings, asked his father to tell him to stop conning people. Frank was so tired of the con game. He wasn't even sure why he was still doing it. He wanted...."

Peter leaned forward waiting with bated breath for this breakthrough with the kid.

"What? What did he want?"

Neal sighed deeply.

"Someone to tell him to stop. Frank's dad never did."

Peter frowned and leaned back into the chair once again.

"Is that what you wanted from your dad? For him to tell you to stop?"

Neal suddenly lost interest in meeting Peter's eyes and shrugged.

"He was never there to say go so why should he say stop?"

Neal uttered the words with such disdain and knew at once he had said too much even for this kind of conversation.

"Where was he?"

Neal began to squirm in his seat.

"You know everything about me, so ...you tell me."

Peter shook his head disagreeing.

"I know all about your crimes. "

Neal mumbled, " Alleged crimes."

Peter waved his hand dismissing the claim. " Whatever. I know about that, but this....this is new territory for you, isn't it?"

Neal said nothing suddenly finding the now lukewarm tea far more interesting than Peter.

"Neal...."

The tone. That tone. _Damn Peter._

"You know about my mom."

Peter nodded. "She died when you were 9..."

"8" Neal corrected.

Peter nodded, " Sorry, 8. Your dad...don't know too much other than he didn't have much but tried his best. "

Neal grinned at that phrase. "Yeah , I guess he did, didn't he?"

Peter felt a hidden meaning in that statement. He waited till Neal was ready, if he would ever be.

"He worked a lot of odd jobs while I was growing up. " He paused as if looking for a positive spin on his next words but had none.

"I was left alone a lot."

Peter leaned into Neal's space encouraging him. "Left alone. How long?"

Neal shrugged still refusing to meet Peter's eyes.

"Sometimes days at a time. I was responsible enough he told me: to go to school on my own, cook, you know whatever needed to be done. " Peter noticed the hat was back once again in Neal's hands. _A security blanket. ..._

"You were 8 years old?"

Neal nodded.

'Sometimes ....money would be really tight. Dad needed.....ways to forget mom."

At that phrase, Peter caught Neal's eyes and embarrassed look.

"Oh, " he said realizing what he meant.

"Did your father's "distractions" come back home with him a lot?"

Neal shrugged. "Sometimes." He chuckled. "I swore I would never be like _that._ "

Peter understood. _Hence the birth of the romantic..._

"Anyway, there were times when the need for his "distractions" outweighed the need for food so....I needed to accommodate."

Peter tried to imagine an 8 year old Caffrey panhandling. A small grin came to his face even though there was nothing humorous about it.

"I bet you made out pretty well.

Neal grinned at the compliment. "Let's just say, we never went hungry after that."

Peter head shook sadly.

"How long did this go one for?"

Neal gripped the hat tighter.

"Well, I left him at 16 so ...who knows? Could still be happening now."

Peter realized that Neal used the present tense.

"Your father still alive?"

Neal nodded, " As far as I know."

"He hasn't been to see you?"

Neal shook his head.

"Better that way."

Peter was starting to believe that.

"Look, Peter, I'm really feeling a bit dizzy....would it be OK if....you know...."

Peter nodded as Neal put down the mug and struggled to stay upright.

"Sure. You can sleep here."

Neal looked grateful not to have to move off the couch.

"Here."

He noticed that Peter had brought over a small trash can.

"In case you decide to puke and don't make it to my bushes. El would kill you if you stained the carpet. "

At El's name, Neal grew wistful.

"When will she be back?"

Peter noticed his little boy look.

"Staying close to the guests place. Won't be back until tomorrow some time. "

Neal 's face fell. "Oh."

He closed his eyes as he felt Peter drape a blanket over his lean frame.

"You're a lucky man Peter."

Peter gazed down at Neal's closed eyes and even breathing. He was truly beginning to understand that. he kept his eyes on Neal for a moment. The kid was dead asleep. Peter licked his lips and looked to his hiding place in the kitchen: secrets on Kate, secrets on Neal...secrets with no end.

He sighed, and crouched down brushing a strand of dark curls away from Neal's eyes.

"Just because no one ever said to you before, doesn't mean you can't do it."

He paused watching waiting for the con to begin. No movement. Nothing but honesty faced him as he whispered in Neal's ear praying that he heard him even now. .

"Stop."

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Did you like it? If so please review and I will write more. More angst ahead if you want more!!! More Neal secrets, Kate, Mozz!!!! **

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	3. Chapter 3

**Hidden Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own. Thank you for all the amazing reviews yet again! You guys are great to write for! Love to hear your thoughts so keep it up!**

**Warning: Mentions of implied non/con or con depending how you look at it. Either way Neal wasn't happy about it. **

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Stop._

Neal lost in slumber heard the word. It was a word he often found himself longing to say especially in precarious situations.

_Stop._

The word belonged to him but not the voice. It was deeper, calmer, not like his at all as he dreamed.

_Flashback dream...._

_"What will you do for the tape recorder Caffrey?"_

_Neal looked around at his cell lavished in beautiful works of art, a lamp, books, much much more than the others had. He had worked hard to get them all, conning , smiling, smoozing if you will. But while they were delights, there was something else he needed to escape. _

_"Come on Man, I really miss my music you know? Can I just borrow it for a little while and you can have it back? I'm not a trouble maker you know, right?"_

_The guard had looked at him appreciatively . A week or so of stubble was growing in thicker while his longer hair attempted to banish his baby blues. _

_The guard shook his head and swallowed at the surging arousal needling away._

_"Doesn't work that way, Caffrey. You know that."_

_Neal licked his lips. He began to look scared. The guard wasn't even sure that was a word Neal knew well, but that emotion flickered across his handsome features that not even he could hide. He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry dreading what he was about to do._

_"What do you want?"_

_The guard smiled as his hand came up behind Neal's head lowering him to his knees..._

Neal shot up, drenched in sweat, the word stop on the tip of his tongue, but once again he had no voice.

He threw off the blanket Peter must have placed on him and began to tear off his jacket and unbutton his shirt. He tugged at his shoes with such force he thought he would throw them across the room. He clawed and fought to remove whatever bit of sweat clung to him reminding him of his nightmare. He ran a shaking hand through his wet locks and attempted to calm himself down. The dining room light flickered a bit drawing Neal's eyes to it. He stood up cautiously, still caught in the nightmare , waiting for someone to jump out at him. He peered around the room, his now bear feet feeling the chill of the floor beneath.

He sighed and took a deep breath _Thank God Peter wasn't here to see that..._

Neal welcomed small miracles whatever they were and returned to his substitute bed. He looked at the blanket and ran his fingers gently over the fabric, enjoying the feel of it, the sensation of comfort. He knew sleep would be eluding him the rest of the night so he pulled up his knees and wrapped his arms around them waiting for the dawn.

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Peter crawled out of bed, groggy and irritated. He inched slowly to the steps and began to walk down. The darkness while normally a comfort to Peter tonight felt off. Maybe it had to do with El not being there, or maybe it had to do with the convict sleeping on his couch. Either way, Peter knew sleep wouldn't be coming back to him to soon so a cup of coffee seemed to be in order.

Making his way down the stairs, he barely noticed the still figure sitting up on the couch. It was only when the moon's light hit his face and his eyes struck him did he nearly jump three feet in the air.

"God, Neal, what are you doing up?"

Neal grabbed his arms around himself tighter.

"I should be asking you the same thing, Peter."

Peter knew he was right but would never admit it. He ran a hand along his face rubbing away the fatigue.

"Do you want some coffee?"

Neal grinned. "Coffee? At 2 am? Really Peter, I think your need for caffeine is really becoming ridiculous."

Pete was about to retort when he looked at Neal, _really_ looked at him. While Neal's voice was calm and cool , he noticed that his shirt was unbuttoned. His arms were braced around his legs, his _trembling_ legs and his hair was matted in ringlets as if he had just stepped out of a shower.

"You OK?"

Neal blinked. It took him a moment to realize Peter was talking to him.

"Fine, why do you ask?"

Peter grunted shrugging his shoulders and walked into the kitchen. He came back out a minute later anger evident in his face coffee not on hand.

"You know...I'm trying here, really trying, not half hearted attempts I normally give you. You are giving me nothing to go on, Neal. You come to MY house, wanting to talk to ME. Yet, you have done very little talking. You leave it all up to conjecture, puzzle solving..."

"You like puzzles."

Peter 's eyes narrowed in Neal's direction.

"Is that what this is about? You think if I solve the puzzle, figure you all out, you won't be any good to me anymore?'

Neal's head hung lower.

"Well, that is not the case. Partners are suppose to know everything about the other . That's what makes a partnership work."

Neal's eyes stared directly into Peter's a small smile playing on his lips.

"That's the second time you called me your partner."

Peter scoffed, "Yeah well don't get used to it. Especially, " he said shaking a finger at Neal, " if you aren't going to come clean with me."

Neal's eyes twitched. Peter lowered his finger and saw that his eyes shone a tad too brightly. _No more alcohol for Neal...._

"You're right Peter. " The voice wasn't as calm as before.

"I should come clean...but I can't."

Peter walked over to the edge of the couch and sat down with a thump.

"Can't or won't?"

Neal turned to stare at the floor.

"Don't know how. "

Peter noted that that was the second honest thing Neal had said in 24 hours.

"Thought you could figure out any situation that comes to you using your looks, charm and intelligence."

Neal cocked a head at Peter. "Are you writing Hallmark cards now?"

Peter went to give him a punch on the shoulder when he noticed Neal flinch. Peter pulled back.

"I wasn't going to hit you hard you know."

Neal shrugged trying to blow it off.

"I know. I just didn't feel like hearing "cowboy up" anymore. I mean who says that nowadays?"

Peter stood up becoming annoyed. He knew this was Neal way of misdirection but lack of sleep and a need for caffeine had him not caring too much.

"I do. "

This time he didn't hold back slugging Neal on the shoulder with a wince.

Peter began to walk away when he heard a whisper.

"Peter?"

Peter turned around to see Neal staring off again, rubbing the shoulder Peter hit.

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever do something you aren't proud of?"

Peter thought for a moment. "Sure, everyone does, I guess. Except you right? No remorse...proud of everything you've ever done."

Neal dropped his head. "I am proud of everything I did that I wanted to do." He paused,

"but not proud of everything I _had _to do."

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Please review?? Pretty please? Thank you to all anonymous reviewers too! I know I can't respond to each of you but I am grateful for the reviews!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hidden**

**chapter 4**

**Disclaimer: Once again thanks for the reviews and encouragement. Hope you like! I am trying to keep them in character as much as possible.... Please note some of this is based on the original pilot script which I read ( ex. how long Neal has been with Kate). As for Neal's age, I am making hima bit younger than Bomer. So in this story, Neal is 30. There are spoilers for the Portrait and the letter which you will recognize the parts Moz left out when he read it out loud. If you read the note you will see what I mean:) **

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Peter leaned forward, crouching at such and angle that there was no way Neal could escape his concerned face.

"What do you mean , things you had to do?"

Neal shrugged. "Nothing, Peter, come on, you know how I get. Forget it."

Peter grabbed Neal's arm gently but still felt faint tremors throughout his body as if he were somewhere else at the moment.

_Flashback_

_"That was good Caffrey, real good. "_

_Neal stood up wiped his mouth ignoring the cum he had spat out on the floor despite the guard's protest and did his best to meet the guards eyes._

_"So ...can I get the player now?"_

_The guard grinned. "Sure the tape player."_

_Neal tensed sensing a different meaning behind that statement._

_"And some tapes right? I mean what good is the player without the tapes right?"_

_The guard nodded leaving Neal with a twisting sensation in his gut._

_"You only worked for the player, Caffrey. To get the tapes....well...now..." His hand brushed against Neal's arm and tugged. "That would require a little bit of extra work on your part. "_

_The guard began to rub at his already swollen member._

_"Thirsty Neal?"_

Present Day

Neal's eyes widened as he ripped his arm out of Peter's grasp. Their eyes met : Neal's desparate and Peter's understanding.

"Oh my God. " Peter's voice...rasping...breaking apart...

" What happened to you?"

Neal didn't like the turn of events and stood up and began to pace. Peter watched him burning off nervous energy in the moonlight. Neal kept running his palms together and bobbing his head as if to a beat only he could hear.

"Nothing...I mean....it was my idea...so...nothing..."

His rambling only concerned Peter more and let Neal know he had said too much.

"Hey, " Peter's gentle tone snapped Neal back and he stopped.

"Are you Ok?"

Peter's hesitation at the words Neal couldn't recall hearing for so long from anyone brought a small sad smile to his lips.

"I will be."

Peter let it go. Knowing Neal, he would never give details, confess about his own sins or those of another. Still, he couldn't help but feel a surge of rage...some at Neal for risking so much and the rest at whomever did ...whatever it was.... that left him shattered and taking blame.

"Neal, sit."

Neal had resumed his pacing and halted with a sigh. He went and sat next to Peter hands on his lap.

"Relax, Comrade, you're not in school."

Neal wanted the conversation over. He didn't like details like this. Peter seeing him as weak, needy, caught in his own doing , his fault, he just wanted the damn player and tape. His mouth went dry. He _needed_ the tape.

"I miss Kate."

Before he could stop his mouth from running into a totally unrelated subject with even more questions, it was too late.

"Damn it, Neal. I mean I get love, I really do. But Kate...." He thought of the files..._so many files_..."Why her? Why don't you just move on and find someone else? I mean it's not like you can't." Neal looked to Peter.

"Did you just give some sort of compliment?"

Peter balked." No, I just...I don't want to see you ruin your life again because of her."

Neal turned to face straight ahead ignoring Peter.

"My life was only right when I was with her."

Peter moaned. "Give it up, Caffrey. Cut the romantic crap. She left you and now she wants something from you...."

Peter stopped. _Damn it._

Neal's head spun so fast Peter thought it would snap.

"How do you know that?"

Peter's heart quickened. _Think...think...._

"I know everything about you. " A lie that was not entirely a lie. Peter couldn't lie to save his life.

Neal blinked. "You know I ...talked to her?"

Peter didn't but nodded yes. Nodding was easier than words.

Neal licked his bottom lip. "I don't know what she wants or why he won't let her go."

Peter 's eyes narrowed. "Who Neal? Who won't let Kate go?"

Neal looked up to Peter. "The man with the ring."

Peter 's palms grew sweaty although he wasn't sure why. He had done nothing wrong.._.simply trying to protect the kid..._

"Why Kate?"

It all kept coming back to that question.

Neal grew wistful. "She's all I've ever known. Did you know we've been together for 11 years?"

Peter didn't.

"I was 19 when we met. She was my first..." his voice dropped lower. "my only."

Peter cleared his throat and stuck his fingers to clean out his ears. "Your only? Your only what?"

Neal 's baby blues were full of honesty and a romantic truth that Peter knew wasn't an act. "The only woman I've ever made love with. I mean I've kissed and flirted and ...other things with other women, but only as marks. Kate....she is my only lover." He paused letting that sink in for both himself and Peter. "And I am hers."

Peter tried not to scoff, or fall off the couch laughing his ass off. The great womanizing Neal Caffrey had only been with one woman in his life. He was honor bound. _Romantic and in this case quite foolhardy...._

Peter said none of those things. He started to see another side of Neal as well as even feel the kid's pain a bit. He also didn't want to stay any more on the subject of Kate .

"So...."Peter twiddled his thumbs hoping this was the right approach.

"How did you meet the short guy?"

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Just to remind anyone that this takes place before Free Fall or perhaps a bit AU since Peter mentions he knows about Neal talking to Kate. Anyhow....please review. I love hearing from you all! I seem to be having updating my profile page again, but I wanted to ask a favor. I have some art in the runninng to be an ipod skin and need votes! If you could vote and comment for me I would appreciate it! If you are interested tell me in the review and I will give you the link.**


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